Riding with Evil

Ken Croke spent two years living a double life, one in which the ATF agent’s suburbanite existence was increasingly overshadowed by his second life as a sergeant in arms for the notorious PAGANS motorcycle club. The story unfolds in the late 2000s and early 2010s, twenty years after Billy Queen’s Under and Alone infiltration of the Mongols. The Pagans’ claim to fame was that they’d never been compromised by the law, and for good reason: despite their penchant for violence, they were good at organizational prudence. New prospects were deeply investigated, and would continue to be tested and probed long after they became members. To pass muster as a prospect and a patch, Ken needed to lose himself so much in the the role that he almost lost his life — both physically and socially, as it took time to repair his relationships with his wife and daughters after two years of increasing neglect. Riding with Evil is quite a look into the world of outlaw MCs, which manages to be more informative but somehow less compelling than Billy Queen’s Under and Alone.

Having read both Under and Alone and this, I must say: the Mongols sound a lot more fun than the Pagans. Part of this, I’m sure, is the way the memoirs are written: I strongly suspect Queen’s is more forthrightly delivered, as there’s a strong sense of “writing to the audience” here. Croke frequently alludes to worse to come, and there’s a lot of performative judging going on. Sometimes it’s comical: we witness through Croke these men being strung out on drugs for days on end, beating the hell out of their friends for trivial slights and abusing women, actively working on planting bombs to retaliate against the Hell’s Angels, moving bodies from one site to the other — and then Croke will write about how their being dismissive of women, or being racist, was a great motivation to him. His writing makes him come off as more naive than an ATF veteran could possibly be, as he writes in shock that the Pagans don’t allow blacks to become members. To my knowledge, the majority of criminal gangs are racial monoliths, especially in prison.

Anyhoo, back to the fun business: one reason Queen’s memoir was compelling was that he made genuine friendships with his brothers wearing the Mongol patch, closer bonds than he felt outside, and there was a genuine sense of betrayal when his case started bringing down guys he’d had good times with. Riding with Evil, though, is a two-year exercise in misery: in addition to the paranoia about being exposed as a fed, there’s paranoia about ordinary gang violence. The Pagans are always beating the hell out of each other, and not in fun “bonding” way: one prospect was murdered by a full patch right before Croke started hanging out, and toward the end of his time with the Pagans he witnessed several near-instances of murder within the ranks. It made me wonder why anyone would want to hang out with these guys: they even made motorcycles a drag, because forced runs would go on for far longer than any sane rider would go, and were made possible solely by the fact that everyone was hopped up on cocaine. Croke says he dropped riding for several years after this mission simply because the gang had killed the joy for him.

Despite this, there is quite a bit to take home from this. I was greatly amused by the fact that the Pagans were true-crime buffs, for both business and pleasure: they loved watching shows like Sons of Anarchy (though some 1%ers strongly disliked it) and crime TV, trying to record tactics the cops were using to bring down organizations like their own. They come off as incredibly savvy, especially in some of the tests they created: in one notable instance, Croke was forced to help some guys move a body, something they figured would expose any of the participants if they were informers. Surely the Feds wouldn’t let a dead body go un-investigated, a case grow cold? Croke indeed agonized over this: the shot drug dealer was somebody’s son, somebody’s father! Oh, the humanity! After the case was executed, though, years later, he discovered that the body bag was full of a mix of liquid and solid garbage. On the other hand, the Pagans allowed a relatively new member to handle their books because he was good with numbers, a fact that contributed enormously to their RICO takedown. (Croke’s background was in accounting before he got into law enforcement. Go figure.) There’s also a lot reveals about some stranger aspects of mob psychology: in addition to The Colors (gang vests) being treated as holy objects, the Pagans were also deeply superstitious about numbers. The Hells Angels used “81” as a number to refer to themselves, and Pagans therefore avoided saying 81, or places that incorporated 81 in their street addresses. Human psychology is deeply weird at times.

Although I had some issues with this book, it was quite entertaining: I thought criminal MCs had started declining in numbers since the 1990s, but apparently theirs is a booming business despite law enforcement’s expanding tools. The writing sometimes has that performative air, but there’s a lot revealed here. Definitely worth reading if you’re at all interested in outlaw MCs.

Related:
Under and Alone: the True Story of the Undercover Agent Who Infiltrated America’s Most Violent Outlaw Motorcycle Gang, William Queen
The Rebels: A Brotherhood of Outlaw Bikers, Daniel Wolf. This was an anthropological study of bikers, following a Canadian MC.
Biking and Brotherhood: My Journey, Dave Spurgeon

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Dominus

Di immortales, it’s been a while since I read any Steven Saylor! For those who don’t know the name, Saylor is an author of Roman historical fiction; I found him in college, and devoured a long series starring “Gordianus the Finder”. These were essentially detective stories, the plots of which introduced readers to various characters in the late Republic, and coincided with the rise of one Gaius Julius Caesar. Saylor has also written a couple of short story collections that tell the tale of Rome from its ancient beginnings through to the Empire: Roma and Imperium were both fun. Dominus continues the latter trilogy, staying rooted in the same family we’ve followed for centuries. This time, though, a new lord is in town: Jesus Christ is slowly replacing Julius Caesar as the JC of choice.

We open in the reign of Marcus Aurelius, who we saw a teenager in the last collection. Here the thoughtful young man has been saddled with the responsibilities of empire, and the first story sees our first antagonist Lucius Pindarii approaching his old friend with a hot tip about a new physician in town, some chap named Galen. Unfortunately, for the Emperor and posterity, Galen is too late to save the life of the Emperor’s son Titus, so we’ll get saddled with Commodus instead. Saylor continues using a family heirloom, a necklace with an ancient fascinus totem, to keep track of our heir — though in one story, it assumes an active role. Marcus Aurelius, noting that the Pindarii appear exempt from the plague, asks his friend Lucius if young Commodus can wear it for protection until the Pindarii heir comes of age. Commodus, being Commodus, insists on retaining it. Because the Pindarii have a friendship with the royal family and in fact produce statuary for it, readers bear witness through them to Rome’s tumultuous opening centuries in the Christian millennium — from the high watermark of Marcus Aurelius, through the post-Commodus chaos to the return of order (and familiar names) with Constantine. Historical events take on personal importance, as we experience through the characters the almost supernatural dread after seeing a temple’s holiest of holies exposed to the public by fire, or experience the total loss of familial possessions after enduring one of Rome’s many fires. The bizarre turns that Roman politics take are also in full view of us: how strange to witness the devolution of Rome from inspiring warrior-kings like Tiberius and Marcus Aurelius to mental cases like the “False Antonius“, a vain teenage boy with serious theological and sexual issues.

Being in a Roman mood, I enjoyed this well enough: it was nice to return to Saylor after so long a departure, and I notice he’s written a few other things in the interim — including a new Gordianus the Finder novel! As a fan of Marcus Aurelius, I enjoyed his prominent place in the beginning of the novel, though I didn’t quite buy his rendering as the philosopher-king. He was a complex personality, though, so I won’t dwell on that….and he’s far better than any other emperor we see! Much of the book is marked with decadence, depravity, and chaos, both political and moral. As gross as I found False Antonius, for instance, his death scene was even worse. This is not a book for people who want to avoid sex or violence, I will say. It’s not explicitly shown, but it’s often talked about. Not surprisingly, Saylor has also penned a series of “erotic fiction” titles. Vae!

I enjoyed Dominus well enough, but its structure as a series of stories in which Roman history is being observed restrains it a bit. The Pinarii are largely spectators to what’s happening, only twice being pulled directly into stories themselves. There’s not a plot, just the passage of time, and the only unifying thread is the slow increase of Christianity. At the beginning, it’s regarded as anathema to the Romans — unpious atheism — but by the end, one Pinarii is a practicing Christian, and the Emperor Constantine removes all previous restrictions, penalties, etc for practicing it. If you’re a fan of Rome, though, the lack of a driving plot may pose no obstacle to enjoying it. I especially liked experiencing trends that require more of a long view, like Rome’s slow decline as a city within the Empire, or the theological debate continually drifting in a way that made Roman Christianity possible. Sometimes characters’ political and theological observations are worth reading in themselves: I especially liked the view of history as a palimpsest, a slate continually rewritten but always bearing lingering marks of that which was inscribed before. Town names often carry multiple heritages, for instance, and the western weekly and annual calendars are a riot of influences — all the way back to the Babylonians and their seven-day calendar! Another interesting element of this book and the series as a whole is the role of myth: we see events in earlier stories become very different versions of themselves decades later, now married to meaning. I did find the characterization of Marcus Aurelius and Constantine suspect, though. Though not a tight ‘novel’, Dominus is a solid return to Rome, rewarding for readers who love living history vicariously; a plot point touching on real artifacts then recently discovered was a fun bonus.


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WWW Wednesday

WHAT have you finished reading recently? Dominus, by Steven Saylor. A novel covering one family across a century or so of Roman history, from Marcus Aurelius to Constantine.

WHAT are you reading now? Day of Battle, a history of the Allied invasions of Sicily and Italy.

WHAT are you reading next? Day of Battle is, like Goering’s waistline, substantial. Will probably be on it for a bit, but an “undercover cop takes down violent biker gang” book (Riding with Evil) just landed on my KU shelf. It’s very likely it will be my fun distraction.

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Teaser Tuesday, Operation Husky Edition

Today’s TTT is….books that inspire candle scents? I got nothing, so here’s some historical gore instead.

“Harris dashed forward only to have another mine shred his abdomen and legs; after flicking grenades into a line of pillboxes, he sprinkled sulfa powder onto his protruding intestines, cinched his web melt to keep the innards in, and wandered down to the beach to find a medic.” THE DAY OF BATTLE, Rick Atkinson

Boy, makes grumbling because of red-lights and poor-tasting coffee pale in comparison.

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The Storm of the Century

© 2015
320 pages

In 1900, a powerful hurricane swept Galveston Bay and destroyed a boomtown that in time may have become the New York of the Gulf. In ways, Al Roker’s Storm of the Century is rather similar to Isaac’s Storm, in that both chronicle the growth of the storm, American meteorologists’ failure to predict its course, and the immediate aftermath of virtually the entire town being flattened. The book even opens with an extensive section on Isaac Cline, the hardworking and talented meteorologist who worked Galveston, whose industriousness failed to overwhelm his acceptance of the prevailing dogma that hurricanes always broke east after hitting Cuba. What makes Storm different is its extensive coverage of the aftermath, as Galveston’s civic leaders struggled to deal with the thousands of bodies and complete shambles of their city. Ten thousand souls and nearly three thousand buildings gone in a single night: the 1900 hurricane remains America’s deadliest natural disaster over a century later. The Storm of the Century is an immersive history of Galveston’s — and America’s — worst hurricane, one that’s already gotten me looking for more from the author.

The book opens with Isaac Cline, a meteorologist who had distinguished himself in the field and yet was powerless to prevent a catastrophe. Mr. Cline was an impressively industrious man, someone who was not content in distinguishing himself in meteorology — he earned laud for predicting floods that DC’s national boys didn’t even put on the radar — but apparently strove to be a Renaissance man. In addition to pursuing a medical degree and later a PhD, Cline also invested himself in Galveston after being stationed there and became a contributor to the local newspaper. He went far and beyond his required duties as a weatherman, taking readings throughout the day instead of his four mandated intervals. Despite this, a combination of the scientific establishment’s dismissal of Jesuit hurricane studies and entrenched dogma on how hurricanes behaved led him to not realizing that a potent threat was headed for Galveston. The deceptively placid sea and skies, combined with a stable barometer, gave him no cause for challenging the assumption that Cuba’s storm would break east and hit Florida. No one in Galveston had any reason to worry until massive swells began hitting the city and the Gulf began claiming the city as its own. When the barometer plunged, Cline scrambled to warn citizens — but it was too late for most. The Gulf flooded Galveston, and then came the savage winds and rain. The wind was arguably worst, knocking over wooden buildings with ease and then turning their parts into battering rams to destroy more of the city. A long night passed in which most Galvestonians lost their homes, and thousands their lives — drowning in the ferocious black night, the air filled with danger as debris flew past with deadly speed.

The aftermath was literally horrific. Most of the city was gone, and across the bay the plains were littered with debris and bodies for miles. The city government condensed itself into a three-member commission and declared martial law, focusing itself on the biggest challenge of getting rid of the thousands of bodies: they chose funeral pyres, which burned for weeks. The American people were quick to respond to Galveston’s need for help. One of the few amusing stories in this history is that of Winifred Black, a female reporter who used a male disguise and local help to sneak herself into the city to earn a scoop for Hearst newspapers: part of her reporting included a call for assistance, and it came so readily — some funneled through the Hearst corporation — that she was told by her bosses that she was now the coordinator for Hearst relief work. The reporter soon found herself managing a school in Houston that had been converted into an emergency hospital, a shining example of the maxim that those who work hard will be rewarded with more work. The history continues for several years after the disaster, ending with the erection of Galveston’s seawall, an engineering feat that has been steadily improved upon over the years.

This was quite the read: written by a meteorologist, it had a good mix of science, history, and human interest. Having read Isaac’s Storm, I expected not to finish this, but the other stories Roker pulled in, plus the expanded section on the storm’s aftermath and recovery, made it more than worth reading. Roker has written a few other history meets weather esque books, and I will probably have a look at them.

Quotes/Highlights:

One [weather] observer pawned all his weather instruments to raise cash for gambling. At least that one kept up his reports: he went down to the pawnshop every day to take readings.

Other houses were down because the wreckage of buildings had itself become a cause of further destruction. The waves tossed ruined timbers and roof structures again and again against standing walls, driving down walls and roofs together. Then the newly fallen wreckage added greater and greater power to an assault on the standing houses.

But soon the relief train slowed to a halt. The tracks were gone. This was still well inland, more than six miles from the point where the bridge began. The team couldn’t yet see anything of Galveston, of course. What they could view, here on the coastal prairie, was shocking enough. The plain was strewn with dead bodies. Along with those corpses, huge pieces of lumber were littered about the flat ground as far as the eye could see. Roofs. Packing trunks. Pianos. From the stopped train, the relief team saw a whole steamship. It was wrecked—all the way up here on land. They stared, amazed. The ship seemed to have been tossed out of the bay.

Louise lived to experience nearly all of the amazing advances of the American Century: interstate automobile highways, jet travel, television, the moonshot. Yet she never forgot her terrifying experience, as a seven-year-old, of what nature can do to all that human aspiration.

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SPQR

© 2015
608 pages

SPQR is an unusual history of Rome, one that largely ignores the imperial period to focus instead on ancient Rome — first, the early city-state, and then the expansive republic it grew into. It also ignores a general narrative, choosing instead to jump chronological periods and then comment on figures and topics relevant to that period. This leads to strange relationships between pagecount and subject: the Punic Wars get astonishingly short shrift while digressions on the meaning of the Romulus and Remus wolf-suckling myth goes on for page after page. As a fan of Tully, I liked that Beard often used Cicero’s confrontation with Catalina as a callback moment. For her, Cicero’s legal takedown of the would-be tyrant is an exercise in ambiguity: was Catalina a revolutionary, or a corrupt and broke aristocrat using the pain of the poor to create a base of power for himself? Beard sees the conventional narrative of Cicero defeating Catalina’s lawlessness as a story Rome wanted to believe about itself. Sometimes the questioning of traditional history can be interesting, but it often struck me as revisionism for revisionism’s sake. During the 1970s, for instance, it became popular to dismiss the claims of child sacrifice on the part of the Carthaginians as a lie created by the Romans — only it proved to be true. Yes, it’s true that stories about Catalina or his enabler Clodius Pulcher largely originate from their foes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they weren’t morally rotten. I was willing to give Beard leeway until her comments regarding Marcus Aurelius, in which she refers to The Meditations as “cliched” and chastises Aurelius for severity against the Germans. I’m sorry that this man dealing with aggression from both Germany and Parthia at the same time as plague outbreaks, a treacherous co-emperor, and a cheating wife couldn’t , in his few moments of peace, write down reminders to himself that were completely sui generis! While there are many good points in the text, I definitely wouldn’t recommend it as a primer or survey: I think the novice reader would be lost given her many jumps, and the lack of a narrative to tie them together. I’ll probably read Beard again, if only to see if this is representative.

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Fall and Rise

© 2019
624 pages

24 years ago today, the ‘severe clear’ skies above New York were overwhelmed by ash and smoke, by ignorance and hate. Fall and Rise is a history of that day, one that was good enough to be favorably compared to The Only Plane in the Sky. While the books are alike in being comprehensive histories of the day, Fall and Rise is more of a conventional narrative while Only Plane was oral-history focused. The goal of the book, Zuckoff writes at the beginning, was to make the day come alive for those who had only experienced it as “history”, as ink on a page. To that end, I think it succeeds: though as someone who did experience that day, for whom it was profoundly disturbing and formative, it’s hard for me to say it definitely does. It brought the day back to life for me, though, and its ending — which shows how survivors used the day as motivation to do more good in the world while they could — allows it to be slightly inspirational as well.

Fall and Rise‘s history section unfolds in two parts. The first introduces us to various passengers and air crew: we learn about them as people — their hobbies, their off work responsibilities, their passions, their stresses — and follow them as they rouse themselves and begin heading to work that fateful Tuesday. There’s also a mercifully short section on the cretins who perpetuated it. We follow the passengers and crew all the way until their respective ends, at which point the second section begins. The ground section has a much larger selection of ‘characters’, drawn from WTC workers, first responders, etc. Zuckoff manages the frenzied timelines well, by occasionally doing a zoom-out to remind readers that while this is happening here, this and that are happening there. This helps readers stay abreast of so much action scattered across theaters. It’s also useful to the narrative itself, because things did not happen in a vacuum: while the passengers and crew of American 11 died before anyone knew what was going on, as the hour dragged on information from various sources finally began filtering up to authorities who could put the pieces together. This was what allowed the passengers of United 93 to learn what had happened elsewhere in the US, and resolve to take action, overwhelming their captors and ensuring that at least part of the devil’s work went unaccomplished. The final section is much smaller, but allows the reader to find hope in the darkness — as survivors, or family and friends of victims, share how they have used the tragedy as inspiration to spread goodness in the world.

This was quite a good read: while I still champion Only Plane in the Sky, I can see why someone would prefer this one given the meaningful last section. Its stories of people helping each other out of the towers, or out of the darkness of the burning Pentagon wedge, are inspiring. Remembering the shared horror of 9/11, followed by the unity and resolve of 9/12 is bittersweet this September 11, given the current state of partisan rancor.

Related:
Only Plane in the Sky
The Lives they Saved

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WWW Wednesday

WHAT have you finished reading recently? A couple of memoirs about people who escaped from the North Tower on 9/11.

WHAT are you reading now? SPQR by Mary Beard (~70% through) and Fall and Rise: The Story of 9/11, Mitchell Zuckoff. Fall and Rise is taking priority because I want to do a Thursday review of it, and SPQR isn’t taking off for me the way I figured it would be. I am enjoying it well enough, but it’s nothing like Tom Holland’s Rubicon. (Speaking of, he’s got several other Roman books…considering I listen to his podcast every week, time to get cracking on reading those!)

WHAT are you reading next? Most likely The Day of Battle: The War in Sicily and Italy, 1943- 1944 by Rick Atkinson. September is proving to be a month for chunksters, beginning with The Great Deluge and continuing.

Today’s prompt from Long and Short Reviews is, “What is your superpower?” I don’t know if it’s a superpower, but I’m pretty good at spontaneous history lectures. I work as a local history librarian, so that comes in handy.

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Top Ten (Recent) Villains

Today’s TTT is “Villains”.     We did this one ….over a decade ago, so I’m going to compose this list without looking at  that prior list, and try to focus on recent villains I’ve read.  Turns out it’s…a lot of science fiction.  But first, a Tuesday Tease!

With time, news becomes history. And history, it’s been said, is what happened to other people.For anyone who lived through September 11, time might dull the anger and grief that followed the death and destruction caused when terrorists turned four commercial passenger jets into guided missiles. But the memories won’t die. The pain of the deadliest terrorist attacks in American history cut too deep, leaving knots of psychic scars that make each day an experience of before and after, of adapting to a world changed physically by every security checkpoint and psychologically by every mention of the “homeland,” a word seldom used in the United States prior to the events now known as 9/11. (FALL AND RISE: THE STORY OF 9/11, Mitchell Zuckoff

(1) The daemon, DAEMON.   DAEMON is a novel about a machine intelligence that begins recruiting human agents  to help it take over/restructure society.  It’s really creepy.

(2) The antagonist in HUSK. I  read this recently and still don’t want to spoil it for people, but it’s slightly similar to DAEMON in being a distributed intelligence.  Imagine a villain that can watch you from every camera and take over robots to attack you.  

(3) Alt-Jason,  Dark Matter.   Blake Crouch.  A man fights for his family against….himself from another timeline, a man who resents the choices he made. 

(4) Dallas, the Joe Pickett series.  Dallas Cates is my favorite-to-hate villain of the Pickett series,  in part because he’s such a believable psycho – a charismatic and abusive rodeo star.  His multiple confrontations with Joe are far more memorable than the made-for-TV villains like Axel Soledad. 

(5) The Party, 1984 – or more specifically, O’Brien. 

(6) The Circle/The Every. Dave Eggers.  This is the same company, evolving from a social media giant in The Circle to one that monopolizes the consumer market as well. Imagine a fusion of Apple, Facebook, Google, Youtube,   tiktok,  wechat,  Amazon, etc –  a company so huge and pervasive it dominates culture. 

(7) The Bureau of Technological Control,  Influx. Daneil Suarez.  Not going to spoil anything, but the BTC are even more invasive than O’Brien. 

(8) Baron Harkonnen, Dune. Probably the most physically repulsive villain. He’s like a human Jabba the Hutt. (Actually, there was a human Jabba the Hutt, and every iteration of Harkonnen has been uglier.)

….honestly, I don’t read many books that have villains. For the last two, I’ll say…

(9) Earth. The Four Winds, Kristen Hannah.

(10) Mars. The Martian, Andy Weir.

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From the Inside Out: Twin Tower Escapes

Erik Ronningen came close to death several times on 9/11 as he made his way from the heights above Manhattan to the relative safety of the sidewalks below. The day after, while comparing notes with his wife, Ronningen was struck with the idea that living through an event such as this merited writing about. He began interviewing fellow survivors with an idea of writing a book for the first anniversary, but found that both they and he grew weary of contemplating such an awful day in their lives. After many years, he finally finished From the Inside Out, a narrative that incorporates his and other people who were inside the North Tower during 9/11. It makes sense that everyone he talked to escaped from the North Tower: that was where he worked, after all, and they were the people he labored with to get down and out before anything worse happened. The book is divided into three parts: Before, Impact, and Collapse. I’ve read the definitive oral history of 9/11, Only Plane in the Sky, and didn’t figure for any surprises here — and yet still there were a few. It took far longer for people to realize the enormity of the plane’s impact than it should have, depending on the floor: one man who had survived the 1993 bombings assumed this was more of the same, and spent precious time inventorying his file cabinets to remove documents and computer media that he didn’t want to be separated from during the downtime. Another surprise was how insulated the people in the North Tower were from events outside: those who escaped were moving down stairwells full of other escapees, and when they emerged to find the plaza littered with paper, debris, and — horrifyingly — bodies, they were dumbfounded. Still worse, when they looked up they saw that the South Tower was also on fire, even worse off than its sister tower — the pilots of the United flight hit it at speeds surpassing AA-11, speeds that would have cased breakup in flight — and soon realize they weren’t out of the danger zone yet. This is an immersive narrative but is far surpassed by Only Plane.

Then the blizzard began—a blizzard of falling paper, debris, and rubbish forced out of the upper tower from the explosion, resembling a midwinter, Great Plains storm. So intense was the raining wreckage that the beautiful view of New York Harbor could no longer be seen. A FedEx package came spiraling down in the mix made Erik immediately think of the Tom Hanks’ movie Cast Away. The mind is a curious mechanism.

.

Leslie Haskin’s memoir is rather different: for one, it’s a personal memoir, and it’s very introspective. If this were fiction, it would be counted as a novella given its length (just over a hundred pages): it ostensibly focuses only on her own experience, though it does include a section with vivid description that could have only been sourced through speaking to others. (She describes the collapse of the South Tower as if she were in the area, whereas she was sitting on the commuter boat traumatized and learned about it through people screaming about it.) Haskin worked in an insurance office on the North Tower, and while dozens of floors below the impact zone, she describes a harrowing scene of ceilings collapsing, visible fire, etc. On first reading this didn’t make much sense to me because Ronningen’s account has him much closer to impact, but with none of the “The building is about to fall!!” drama that Haskin records in her office. After thinking about it, though, I realized Haskin’s floor could have been hit by the fireball that swept through the elevator shafts — that seems especially likely given that her floor was very close to the first skylobby where people changed elevators, and that she encountered severe burn victims on her own way down. Her prose is vivid to the point of florid, but given that she was put into a state of severe mental distress after the event. I’m not inclined to be critical.

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