What Pastors Wish Their Church Members Knew: Helping People Understand and Appreciate their Leaders
© 2009
177 pages
What Pastors Wish Their Church Members Knew reviews the results of a survey distributed to hundreds of Protestant, evangelical pastors, to give congregants insight into the challenges and burdens unique to pastoral ministry. From the beginning, Denise George stresses that pastors often have no confidants with whom they can share their struggles; their closest friends are often their parishioners, and few feel comfortable sharing information that might undermine congregants’ confidence in their pastor. This survey was a rare occasion for them to communicate their fears and frustrations. Although the pastors surveyed varied widely in income, location, ethnicity, etc, their problems were often the same; here, George reviews those shared issues and suggests ways that parishioners can better support their priests as they engage in ministry together. Although there’s a disappointing lack of liturgical clergy represented here (Lutherans, Episcopalians, and Catholics), from my friendships with several priests over the years I imagine much of this applies to them as well.
Some of the material reviewed is unsurprising like the financial stresses incurred by pastors: although some mainline churches can afford healthy salaries for their clergy, most churches are smaller and their pastors depend on tithes, which can fluctuate widely. Of more interest is the fact that clergy are often isolated; they are subject to the same stresses as their parishioners, but have virtually no one to share them with, at least locally. Even clergy don’t want to talk shop all the time, and attempts to build relationships with congregants are often derailed by the congregant’s conception that pastors only want to talk about religion, and not football or literature. The pastoral demands placed upon a minister can so consume his time that he’s left with precious little time to be with his family, focus on his own spiritual life, or even prepare sermons. Congregants often expect the pastor to carry the weight of church life, and still look askance if he has the cheek to request a cost-of-living income adjustment. He and his family can also suffer from unrealistic expectations of perfection, and pastors are often blamed for lack of church growth, which is completely outside of their control.
Although there are limits to the book’s usability, I found it helpful on the whole. Pastoral care is a unique challenge, often made more difficult by the people being ministered to –like many positions involving people! — but pastors can be supported, and thereby made more effective, if parishioners care enough to regard their pastors as something more than hired help.
Reading Freely 
I’m not a pastor, but I was a preacher’s kid growing up.
Yes, it can be a very isolating life for both the pastor and his/her family. You’re always under the microscope and there are very few people to talk to when you’re going through hard times.
My parents’ denomination had special retreats just for pastors and family, but so many churches are independent, or only faintly connected to an organization, that I doubt such a thing is the norm. I mentioned to someone on goodreads that I think expectations probably vary widely on the church or organization’s culture: in the Episcopal church, for instance, priests are called by their first names and related to pretty much like any other parishioner.. In my childhood church, in contrast, the pastor was up on a pillar to be venerated, and I never knew one who was genuine “friends” with any of his congregants — there was always some distance that had to be kept.
Eleanor and I are so lucky in the church we attend that our pastors really are good friends (they are a husband/wife team. He is our lead pastor, she does more community work, but has also started giving the sermon more which I love). I have had so many deep/philosophic/rage vent/book talks with him, I feel more like he is dad-ish or older older older brother-ish than friend-ish. Same with her, very motherly but also tells me exactly what I need to hear, not what I want to hear- but in the most loving way possible. We are very, very blessed because I know not every church is like this. I think denomination does make a difference in how people feel they can relate to their pastors and vice versa. I was baptized/grew up in a Lutheran church, confirmed Methodist because I got extremely upset at my church for a terrible Easter service where they pulled out pie charts about how we were not giving enough money for the new facility, so even our guests felt obligated to tithe, and now we attend a Covenant church – Lutheran-Light, as I like to call it.
Going for money at Easter is extremely tacky, yeah. More a time for celebration than solicitation! I’ve known a husband and wife pastoral team, too — prior to retirement, he was the rector and she the associate rector. Loved them both dearly, and still do even though they moved to Georgia on me!
The thought of them leaving absolutely terrifies me! I would not be where I am in my journey back to my faith if it weren’t for them. And they are such a perfect team. Luckily they are ‘planted’ and at this point in their callings that they can decide if they want to move or not, and they don’t want to go anywhere else – except I am sure back to Michigan where they are from if God has work for them to do there. I would be so lost without them!
That I can understand!