When Captain James Kirk ordered the Enterprise to find out what happened to the crew of a science outpost that had gone missing, doubtless he never expected to help George Washington with a political revolution, or fight at the side of Admiral Lord Nelson. These things do have a way of happening aboard Kirk’s ship. Those familiar with the original series may remember a certain episode called “The Savage Curtain”, which I’d describe as particularly weird episode if not for the fact that TOS excelled in absolutely inexplicable plots by our standards. Remember the time Apollo grabbed the Enterprise and tried to get the crew to worship him? Or the time Kirk and company found a planet where a conquered people regarded Freedom as a worship word and had both the Declaration of Independence and an American flag? Anyhoo, in “The Savage Curtain” we met a race called the Excalibans, and they recreated heroes and villains from Earth’s past in an effort to understand morality; here, a small number of them are attempting to flee their collective, and had taken refuge at the science center where they were being studied, at least until the space pirates showed up and ruined everyone’s day. Savage Trade is that story, and while it’s not a serious or intense, it’s absurd fun that might hit a reader’s sweet spot in the right mood.

The Excalibans have some interesting quirks: for one, these ‘refugees’ as they describe themselves can no longer shift into their original forms, and the more they spend time as the historic personages, the more human they feel. Their bodies continually maintain themselves as their historic appearances, and if they remain in living quarters for some time then those quarters themselves will become appropriate to the character: quills appearing in George Washington’s room, for instance, woolen curtains over a viewport elsewhere. After Kirk rescues everyone and returns back to the station, he finds a Vulcan diplomatic figure waiting for him — someone from Starfleet Command who has been given authority over all Federation and Starfleet activity in this system. Turns out the Excalibans hadn’t just found the station: they were deliberately put there so they could be studied and their appeal for Federation citizenship evaluated, and there’s a careful game being played because the other Excalibans are rather nasty creatures. It’s generally fun, featuring Spock and Galileo talking in Latin, Scotty drinking Scotch with James Watts, and Admiral Lord Nelson entertaining Kirk’s crew with stories of the old days. I enjoyed it for the most part, especially for absurd sentences that I’d never expect to read, but I must re-iterate that this is a mood kind of book: if you go into it looking for a serious science thriller like Christopher L Bennett’s, or an intense political and character drama like David Mack’s, you’ll be disappointed. This is more “Sometimes, Number One, you just have to embrace the absurd” kind of storytelling. As it happened, I was in just the mood for it.

Highlights:

The man straightened up, stared a crystal-clear, gray-eyed stare at Kirk, and removed his hat. He made a partial bow. “I am George Washington.”
“The George Washington.”
“I am the president of the United States of America.”
“Former president,” Kirk replied. “For me it does not seem that way,” the other replied. “In my own perception, I am president still.” “
We’re talking about the George Washington from the American Revolutionary War?” “Captain, we both know that is an impossibility.”
“Then who or what are you?” “Perhaps we should discuss this another time, outside of this accursed nebula, and face-to-face—”

When Benjamin Franklin spoke to Spock, he could tell his first officer was quite intrigued.

Also, that’s why poor Marcel Proust is no more. He became incensed during a card game and attempted to draw a weapon on Bill Hickok. Hickok had equipped himself with a phaser in addition to his Colt 1851 revolver. He swears it was merely for defensive purposes.

Wisdom and mercy are the fruits of logic. When there is discord, you will find irrationality at the bottom of it.

“Quantum physics, she is whimsical,” Galileo replied. “Effervescent and beautiful, with a smile like the Mona Lisa. Leonardo, he senses this. His true mistress is the universe, you know!”

“Vulcans gossip?”
“It is logical to provide oneself with as much information as possible.”

“We took the fight to them, Kirk! We truly did! I haven’t felt this exhilarated since Trafalgar.”
“Sir, you died there.”